BIG SCREEN STUFF
Hellboy II (2 Spuds)
DVDS
Infernal Affairs (1.5 Spuds)
The Bank Job (2 Spuds)
TV
Californication (2 Spuds)
So You Think You Can Dance (2 XL Spuds)
SPUDITORIAL
KNOW YOUR SPUDS
TWO XL SPUDS — Absolute Must See
TWO SPUDS — Definitely Worth Checking Out
1.5 SPUDS—Worth Checking Out, But Don’t Expect A Ton
ONE SPUD – Not Worth It, Except For The Hardcore Fan
NO SPUD 4U – Just Plain Sucks
We’re into another heatwave or should I say, humidex wave. They seem to be more frequent this year than ever before. Hot, soupy atmosphere that makes the simple act of breathing feel like a full contact sport. I personally believe that whoever invented the humidex, that algarhythm that lets you know that it feels hotter than it actually is, because of the high level of humidity in the air, should be lined up right alongside the bozo who invented the wind chill and shot. All these inventions do, besides giving the Weather Network people something else to talk about, is make you feel hotter and colder than you actually are. This sucks, and I’m sure it’s all designed to make you buy more stuff to keep yourself cooler in the summer and warmer in the winter. It’s all about getting us to buy stuff, all the time. I mean that’s the nature of our capitalist state. We buy, they sell, and in between everybody works and a few rich people get richer. And don’t get me started on sunblock. There’s another one. The best sunblock I know of is shade. If you don’t want to get skin cancer from the sun, stay in the damn shade. Yeah, you won’t look like George Hamilton or anything, but when you get old, your skin won’t be all crinkled like a badly stitched leather wallet. I don’t get it, people slather on that grease so they can lay out in the sun and not get burnt or tanned. Apart from the fact that they blew 1o bucks on sunscreen, taking the manufacturers word for its efficacy, there’s really no difference between sitting in the sun and sitting in the shade, except maybe that sitting in the shade is more comfortable, easier on your eyes, causes you to sweat less, which only washes away your sunblock, and keeps your overall body temperature closer to where it should be. Duh. Anyway, it’s going to be thirty degrees today, but it’s going to feel more like 40. That is, of course, if you choose to go out and frolic in it. And if you do, well, they’ve got a bunch of words for that sort of behaviour and none of them are flattering.
INFERNAL AFFAIRS (1.5 SPUDS)
The Wife was upstairs reading a cheesy romance novel (by her own admission) and celebrating the early days of her vacation on Saturday night. I was downstairs flipping around when I came across this Chinese flick. Infernal Affairs is the movie upon which was based The Departed, which was directed by Martin Scorsese. Both movies are based on the idea of moles in both the police force and criminal organization that its working to shut down. This is kinda where the comparisons end, because Infernal Affairs is really more of a low budget thriller, without a lot of action and The Departed is a Martin Scorsese film, and therefore light years ahead of its Chinese source. That’s not to say that I didn’t like Infernal Affairs, because in its own way it was a very good film, albeit a little on the loose side. The trouble is, and please don’t send me a lot of emails on this, but I did have a bit of trouble keeping the characters straight, because a lot of them looked alike to me. By that I mean they were the same age and build, had the same sort of haircuts and all wore the same kind of Hong Kong gangster duds. The cops all wore the same kind of suits and had the same kind of haircuts too. I’m sure nobody in the movie’s primary market had this difficulty and I imagine that some reviewer somewhere in China is saying the same things about the characters in The Departed.
Anyway, if you’re any kind of film buff, you might want to catch this flick. The subtitles aren’t bad and it was interesting to compare the two movies, at least from a plotting perspective. By comparison, I thought that Departed knocked off just the right number of guys, whereas…well that would be telling. Infernal Affairs is around in the foreign film sections of most vid shops, and it’s worth checking out on a slow night.
CALIFORNICATION (2 XL SPUDS)
This is a Showtime series which stars and is also financed by David Duchovney. In it he plays a novelist/screenwriter named Hank Moody, who is recently separated from his girlfriend with whom he has a bright 13 year old daughter, suffering from writer’s block, coasting on his literary laurels and literally screwing everything that moves. What this series manages to do is function as a complete allegory for everything that Hollywood is about and none of it is very flattering. Dave rumbles and stumbles around in a kind of weird stupor most of the time, but paradoxically, he is the most together character in the whole series—simply because he actually knows what’s wrong with him, something which everybody else in the series seems to be constantly grappling with.
The episodes themselves are only about 28 minutes long, which makes the whole series of 12 just under 6 hours, which is pretty much the average length of a mini series. So that’s kind of odd. But believe it or not, 28 minutes is more than enough time to completely expose another whole chapter of Hank’s weird life. This show reminded me a bit of another great Showtime series called Huff, which starred Hank Azaria. They are nothing alike, but what they do have in common is an innate intelligence and powerful lead characters who are both anti-heroes.
There’s a level of television that is higher than most of the stuff you see on the major networks, where there is freedom to really take sharp aim at your targets, use adult language to depict the way adults talk to each-other, and to pursue themes that wouldn’t necessarily play well out in middle America, where, if you listen to the Neilson people, everyone has a rather large pickle wedged up their ass and a bible on their end table.
I hope that someday HBO, Showtime and the FX Network, among others are licensed to transmit in Canada. I’ll be lined up to get that cable package with bells on.
SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE (2 XL SPUDS)
As I write this, the final 8 dancers have taken to the stage and put on one of the most amazing displays of amateur dancing I have ever seen. You don’t really have to be a big fan of dance to appreciate what’s going on here. This is by far the most entertainment that I have ever seen packed into two hours on TV. These dancers, none of who are over 25 , are being choreographed by some of the world’s best choreographers, learning dance routines in a matter of hours, which gives new meaning to the term ‘breakneck pace’.
I’ve been watching this show for three years now. It really has been a bright light in an otherwise dismal summer of programming, or lack thereof. And during that three years, I have seen the quality of the dancers improve right on pace with the difficulty of the routines they are being asked to perform. What these people do week after week on this show is at least 10 times more difficult than anything they will be asked to do in real life. And every week they step up to the plate and hit it out of the park.
As you watch the show each week you become a little more discerning. Looking for flaws and weakness and usually you see them. But this week, I was completely stumped. These people were all totally amazing and I can only see anyone’s elimination being brought about by something trivial like popularity, or even worse, cultural or racial orientation.
All that being said, if you have not been watching this show regularly on Wednesday night, that’s, quite honestly, your loss and not an insignificant one at that.
HELLBOY II (2 SPUDS)
I first got interested in seeing this flick because of the director, Guillermo del Toro, the Spanish dude who did Pan’s Labyrinth. What I saw in that movie was a vivid imagination tied to a real sense of how to fill a movie screen, and I made a mental note to check out whatever he did next.
And I was glad I did. In spite of the fact that this was a sequel, which I normally don’t like, this movie had a hell of a lot going for it. The only flaw as I saw it was that the Hellboy character, while one of the best in comic-t0-movie history was not the star of this film.The director and all the amazing characters he created was. But that’s OK, because overall, this movie was every bit as powerful and impactful as the original.
In this movie, which is really a fairly tale come to life, an elfin prince who was exiled for being too radical after the elves made peace with the humans, way back in the fairy tale day, shows up wanting to kick some human butt, because of the way the humans have basically screwed everything up. This is not elaborated on but you just have to figure that it’s some sort of eco statement.
Anyway the villain, the evil elfin prince, is looking for the pieces of a crown that will help him raise something called the Golden Army which is an invincible fighting force that the Trolls created and held over the heads of the humans (kind of a fairy tale atomic bomb). The prince played by Brit character actor and rocker Luke Goss, is a real A-Type personality, but he’s not a maniac or anything…he’s just a warrior with who feels that war is justified.
This is a great story with lots of little subplots and an endless stream of fascinating characters. Since I don’t go to that many movies, I tend to pick carefully. This one is definitely a great pick, on just about every level.
THE BANK JOB (2 SPUDS)
This is an action adventure pic based on a true story that happened in 1970s London. Like most true stories, the plot is extremely complex, but that’s a big part of the joy of watching this movie. What I will tell you is that it is about a bank heist.
What I can tell you is that it’s very well put together, and Jason Straithern, who is usually the strong silent type in all the Hong Kong inspired action flicks he makes, proves that he actually has some acting chops. The babe, and there’s always a babe, is played by Saffron Burrows, who in this film looks like a cross between Lauren Bacall and Ava Gardner. Really hot.
I thought this movie was going to just be another heist flick, but the complexity of it elevates it way above average. This is a great movie for the kind of movie that it is. Well worth a boo.
Well, that’s about all I’ve got for you this time. I’ve been trying to lay pretty low these days
and sleep longer than usual. It’s classically my slow time of year, what with everybody being on vacation and all. Even the Wife has deserted me, taking off with my sister Sharon on a road trip that will take them to New England and the Maritimes. Way too much time in the car for me, but they seem to love it.
On the home front, I just spent the better part of the last three days painting my front porch office, which was mostly brick that had been painted a colour I lovingly refer to as Puke Brown. It’s now a lovely shade of light green and although it’s only 6 feet x 18 feet, it took me nearly 10 hours to put the first coat of paint on the bricks. If you ever have to do this yourself, I have two words for you. Spray it.
SPORTS COMMENT
I just watched the final match of the Roger’s Cup, which Rafael Nadal won in straight sets from some unranked dude named Kiefer, and Ted Rogers was on hand to give him the cup and do a photo op. My comment is, man, that Ted Rogers is one crusty looking dude.
