DVDs
You Don’t Mess With The Zohan (1.5 Spuds)
Inkheart (2 Spuds)
In Bruges (1.5 Spuds)
TV SHOWS
Sea Of Souls (2 Spuds)
KNOW YOUR SPUDS
TWO XL SPUDS — Absolute Must See
TWO SPUDS — Definitely Worth Checking Out
1.5 SPUDS—Worth Checking Out, But Don’t Expect A Ton
ONE SPUD – Not Worth It, Except For The Hardcore Fan
NO SPUD 4U – Just Plain Sucks
With this issue of the Couch Potato Chronicles I have reached another milestone, although it may not seem like it to you. You see, I’m pretty anal about my computer files, because the single biggest waste of time that people who work on computers go through is looking for stuff they misplaced or misfiled. So when I finish each column I put it in a folder and I keep 50 columns in each folder. So with the completion of this column, I haven’t just completed Volume 350, I have also completed 7 folders. The reward for me, is getting to open a new folder. Big deal, right? Well, big deals are in the eye of the beholder. Every time I complete a folder I reflect on the fact that this is pretty much the only area of my life, out side of my relationship with The Wife and one or two close friends, where I have managed to sustain my attention for such a prolonged period of time. In my work life, I have only to sustain my attention over the course of a couple of weeks at the most (for a web site or big brochure). But mainly it’s a matter of hours or a few days. So there you go. 350 Volumes. Seven Folders. 10 + years. And best of all, showing no signs of letting up.
YOU DON’T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN (1.5 SPUDS)
Adam Sandler, since his humble beginnings on Saturday Night Live, has become one of the world’s top grossing movie stars, mainly on the strength of movies that appeal to young movie goers (Little Nicky, Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison, The Waterboy, 50 First Dates, Click Bedtime Stories). Maybe its that he’s got that personality that represents, to a lot of young people, a guy who is just cool enough to be cooler than they are, but not too cool to be unattainable or unrelatable. On the other side of the coin, Adam has also made a few extremely good adult oriented pictures, (Anger Management, Punch Drunk Love, Mr Deeds, Spanglish, and the brilliant Reign Over Me).
You Don’t Mess With The Zohan is probably in the younger movie goer category, although it is laced with some very biting satire that adults would get too. Essentially, it’s the story of a crack Israeli commando (The Zohan), who gets tired of all the killing, fakes his own death and descends upon New York with a libido as big as all America and a fierce commando like desire to be a stylist at the Paul Mitchell Salon. Unfortunately his hair styling skills are sadly out of date and he is reduced to apprenticing in a Palestinian (eeek) salon on the lower east side. Here his past catches up with him in a number of ways. Yadda Yadda.
The first thing to remember about most Adam Sandler movies is that they are essentially cartoons. This is kinda what makes them funny. Everybody in this movie, except a few New Yorkers, has some sort of over the top middle-eastern accent. Most of the dialogue is expressed in the form of bickering, bartering or hustling. Adam’s character is a bit of a misogynist, in that he treats sex with women as something that is his god given right and he has sex with just about every woman in the movie.
I’m not really recommending this film unless you are willing to a) suspend your disbelief a mile, b) keep in mind that this is a cartoon and c) Accept that you may or may not be watching comic genius at work, because d) it’s a very fine line that separates comic genius from ‘this ain’t funny at all.’ Personally, I liked this film, because I think Adam Sandler is brilliant most of the time and I was kind of in the mood for something goofy.
INKHEART (2 SPUDS)
This movie, made over in Europe somewhere, is a kind of fairy tale about a guy (Brendan Fraser), who has the ability to bring characters in books to life. Unfortunately for Brendan, every time he brings someone to life, someone else has to go back into the book. In one case it’s his wife. And so Brendan is a man on a mission, traveling all over the place looking for a volume of the book he was reading when his wife disappeared and somehow figure out a way to get her back.
Of course it’s a lot more complex than that. This is a fairly big time production and a pretty decent action adventure film as well. It’s intelligent and extremely well produced. And it’s exactly the kind of movie you’d expect to find someone like Brendan Fraser in.
This is not something that you’d probably glom onto instantly. It is after all, primarily intended for kids. But the fact that the Wife and I both enjoyed it is testimony to the happy reality that we have not completely grown up yet.
IN BRUGES (1.5 SPUDS)
This is one of those Brit/Irish gangster movies about a couple of hit men who are laying low in Bruges Belgium. The hitmen, played by Brendan Gleason and Colin Farrell are supposed to hang out and wait for instructions from their boss, Ralph (pronounced Raif) Fiennes, who is playing way against type as near completely psychotic.
There’s not a whole lot going in Bruges and while Brendan’s character is happy to take in the sights and eat nice meals, Colin’s character, on the other hand, sees Bruges as some sort of European black hole and finds it hard to keep a low profile.
The first half of this movie is kinda slow and pokey and then it gets interesting as we start learning more about the demons that are haunting everyone. I won’t tell you about all that, because if you are a fan of British gangster pics, you will want to see this film and I don’t want to spoil anything. If you’re not a fan of British gangster pics, then it’s pretty safe to say that you will find this film a little on the slow side. If you want something a little more hyperactive in this genre, there’s always the The Krays, Mona Lisa Smile, Layer Cake and the class in this genre, Sexy Beast, with an absolute killer performance by Ben Kingsley
TV
SEA OF SOULS (BBC CANADA) (SUNDAYS)
This is a popular Brit series that like Wire In The Blood, consists of 4 to 6 two hour episodes each season. It’s kind of a forensic mystery that centres around a Glasgow Scotland university where a team of investigators deal with various psychic mysteries. I’ve only seen one episode so far. It was about twin sisters who find each other after being separated at a young age and discover they can read and transmit each other’s thoughts.
This is the kind of programming the Brits do very well. These shows are always interesting and quite well-structured as mysteries. This is the kind of stuff you can rent and take to the cottage.
BOOKS…YEAH BOOKS
STEPHEN HUNTER
As we continue the long trudge through my bookcase, we arrive next at Stephen Hunter. Stephen Hunter is a big time film critic who has won all kinds of awards for his journalism. He is also the author of a bunch of books that I have really enjoyed reading over the years. Most of his work centres around the lives of two fictional characters whop happen to be father and son, Earl Swagger and Bob Lee Swagger respectively. These guys are both violent, heroic men, who are both, in their own ways, tortured souls. These novels span the period from about 1945 to the late part of the century, and are prime examples of just how ‘literary’ action adventure novels can be.
Stephen Hunter does his homework and in his work paints a very vivid picture of the periods in which his novels are set. He is also very good with American dialects and the customs of people who live outside the confines of polite society.
I’m currently reading the first one of his Earl Swagger novels, called Hot Springs. This book is pretty amazing. Like Frederick Forsythe, Stephen Hunter manages to weave a lot of real history into his stories and blends it seamlessly with his fictional characters. Hot Springs is a small town in Arkansas that served as the pilot project for Las Vegas, which was being build at the same time, right after WW II, by Bugsy Siegal. It was a corrupt lawless town which Earl Swagger, a Marine war hero and man in need of a mission, helped clean up.
This book is riveting in that it creates amazing suspense and yet is filled with so much detail that it easily transports you back to that time period.
In this book, Earl also has a young son, whom he raised to be a protégé, and who is an amazing marksman. A few years back, a movie called Shooter was made with Mark Whalberg playing Bob Lee Swagger. This was based on the first Bob Lee Swagger novel, called Point of Impact, and it’s really worth seeing. Mark Whalberg is a little too young for the part, but that doesn’t matter a whole lot, because he has the character’s heart and soul down pat.
Stephen Hunter writes about heroics detached from or in spite of politics and he is one of the best in the business at doing that.
Bob Lee Swagger Novels
1. Point of Impact (1993)
2. Black Light (1996)
3. Time to Hunt (1998)
4. The 47th Samurai (2007)
5. Night of Thunder (2008)
6. I, Sniper (2009)
Earl Swagger Novels
1. Hot Springs (2000)
2. Pale Horse Coming (2001)
3. Havana (2003)
Non Swagger Novels
The Master Sniper (1980)
The Second Saladin (1982)
The Spanish Gambit (1985)
The Day Before Midnight (1989)
Dirty White Boys (1994)
SPORTSPUDITORIAL
THE NBA PLAYOFFS – YOU HAVE TO LOOK HARD FOR THE GOOD STUFF
BUT WHEN YOU FIND IT…WOW.
The NBA Playoffs are coming to the end of the first round as of tonight. So far, a lot of the stuff that has happened has been more or less expected. But there were a couple of things I simply didn’t count on and they have made for some compelling sports viewing.
THING ONE – THE RISE OF THE DENVER NUGGETS
The Denver Nuggets got the long end of the stick on a trade with the Detroit Pistons when they sent Alan Iverson and somebody else to the Pistons in return for point guard Chauncey
Billups, who oddly enough grew up in Denver. This trade was great because Chauncy brought some much needed discipline to what was arguably the most wild and wooly team in the NBA–something which Alan Iverson couldn’t do. Since this trade (at the All Star Break), the Nugs have rounded and polished themselves into one of the three or four best teams in the league. It’s amazing the difference one smart point guard can make to a team. Since then the Nuggets have become completely balanced and their franchise player Carmelo Anthony has bossomed into the true superstar that everybody thought he could be. This is probably the only team in the west right now who has a really good shot at beating the Lakers for the Western division championship.
The Nuggets played the New Orleans Hornets in the first series and clearly dominated them winning the first two by a healthy margin and barely losing game three. Then in game 4 something happened to the Nugs. It’s one of those things you see very rarely in pro sports. They somehow dialed up their game on both ends of the court and literally slaughtered the poor Hornets, by the largest margin of victory ever in an NBA playoff game. This was not a great game so much as it was a great performance by a team firing on all cylinders. If you’re a fan of the Nuggets, which I am, it was a magnificent thing to behold. And I am sure they surprised themselves as much as the sporting world.
THING TWO – THE BOSTON CELTICS VERSUS THE CHICAGO BULLS
The hardest thing to do in most pro sports is to defend your crown. This is something the Boston Celtics are finding out the hard way in their series against the very young Chicago Bulls and their brilliant (rookie of the year) point guard Derrick Rose. This series is remarkable for one key thing…its intensity. These games (six so far) have been so balanced, so hard fought and so physical that it’s actually exhausting to watch them. Four of the six games have been settled in overtime and home court advantage means nothing.
The older Celtics are painfully aware of what’s at stake here. The younger Bulls are just playing their hearts out and can’t believe they are going head to head with the champs and not getting beat down. Every single on of these games has been a classic that fans will be watching for years to come. It’s easily one of the most hard fought series I have ever seen in any sport at any time. These guys are leaving it all on the floor every night and both teams have raised their games to new heights. The only downside is that whoever wins this series is going to be one dead tired collection of puppies when they face the Orlando Magic in the next round.
I’m not sure the young Bulls can prevail in tonight’s game 7. But the way this series has set up so far, it’s a safe bet that they will die trying.
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